Hi trailmix, yes I have a restraining order in place, and all my apps and key info have been changed re: passwords. He has been staying in line with it so that is some sort of relief.
You are totally right in terms of, would I ever really feel safe again? Especially since he has yet to fully grasp that I was so fearful and really thought he was going to shoot us and himself. You know what he responds with? “I wasn’t going to hurt you, I just wanted you to come outside and pull the trigger on me because you have been killing me slowly.” He has yet to really accept the impact, just complains about not having access to our house and his things, and saying my “psychological tyranny” was on par with what he did. Just writing this reminds me that he really needs help and I can no longer be the one to help him, or try to help him.