Yeah I've been there. Still revisit much more than I'd like to.
I'm not sure I'll ever be the calm, zen man I'd like to be but that's ok.
I am in a MUCH better place than I was and it gets better all the time.
I just keep reminding myself that even though I wasted a lot of time in oblivion I made it out alive. Many don't.
As far as wanting to do Everything All the time I have to remind myself it's not possible. A house is built one brick at a time.
I've spent twice as long wasted than I have sober even counting my childhood but I can't let that deter me. I am sober Now and that's what matters.