Missbx

@biminiblue he suffers with depression and anxiety too, he’s on medication for it (although doesn’t take it when he’s drinking because he’s too drunk to even think about it). And he blames his poor mental health for how bad his drunken behaviour has become. It seems to have got 10x worse since our little one made an appearance 10 months ago. He says I’ve become more judgemental of his illness, but that’s not the case.. I’ve just become less accepting, and won’t tolerate it the way I used to because now it isn’t just him and me, there’s a baby too! He says he uses drink as an escape.. even though he knows the negative impact it has on him, and everyone around him. To me that’s selfish. He feels very sorry for himself after a bender, when he’s ill and suffering the consequences of what he’s done.. he’s full of apologies, but then when he’s feeling better he will start to downplay it as if he hasn’t really done anything wrong by getting drunk (again). I starting to think that his claims that he wants to change and live a normal life are just words with no real meaning other than to convince me. Surely if he really wanted to sort himself out and make a better life not only for us as a family, but for himself as a person.. then he would do whatever it took to avoid drinking rather than use any opportunity he can to do it? Literally he can’t go get his brother a birthday card without coming home with a can of lager.. or pop out for a haircut without having a drink thinking/hoping I won’t notice. I can’t even go visit my mother for a couple of hours without worrying he’s going to use the opportunity of me and the baby being out of the house (which he has done many a time, sober when I leave but drunk by the time I get back) .. our baby is 10 months old and I won’t leave her with him because I don’t trust that he won’t drink while he’s got her. It’s an awful way to be living. But he’s very convincing when he’s sober and says how much he wants to stop all this, so I end up feeling guilty, giving him the benefit of the doubt.. just to be let down again within a week. It’s been like this since our little one was born and not showing any signs of getting any better. I’ve told him I have to do what’s in our child’s best interest, and he says she needs her father around.. which I agree with. But sober! Not the drunken, volatile, irresponsible mess he becomes so regularly. Because when he’s like that, he’s no partner or father. He’s a liability! I can’t have him around us like that! He says he understands that but I should let him in when he’s sober? But I’ve tried to explain to him there’s no point because he won’t be sober for long, and I don’t want him here the next time the drink takes over - which it will, it always does. He looks at it as me punishing him, not that I’m prioritising the well-being of my child and preventing her from growing up in an unhealthy toxic environment, as any parent should, including him. If he can’t or won’t stop drinking, surely if he cares for our daughter he should be willing to move out so that she doesn’t have to be exposed to it. But all he seems to think about is himself and his needs rather than hers or mine.