He's gone isn't he?
Today I was talking to a friend, she new my significant other before the addiction 6 years ago. She said that I have to let him go, he's just gone, and I can't save him... looking back at the pictures and how the changes started I feel so stupid how could I have not seen? Maybe I could have saved myself and our kids from so much hurt. I have to let him go don't I? The part I knew I feel like it's dead. He's someone else now. He has been for such a long time. Our 8 year old doesnt understand why he left again because he's sick. She's angry this time says "he's always sleeping or mad he's not sick he just doesn't love us!" Our 2 year old screams to go to the garage where his car is and when he goes in he will look in the windows, knock on the door even go under the car looking for him I guess. Our 1 year old can't have me even stand up and he will think I'm leaving and he will hold on to me and start screaming. He's the one the dad knows the least. Started disappearing for months. But ofcourse I was stupid when he said he was doing treatment I was gullible. And here I am again. 4 months pregnant he hit me and threw things at the kids, stole my mother's car. When the cops found it there were crack pipes and alcohol bottles everywhere. He came to get his jacket and said I would regret involving the car that this was all my fault. And he wishes I would just kill myself. He was my bestfriend. I remember falling asleep with him kissing my forehead saying he was so lucky. Him calling me just to say he can't wait to start having more kids. Being at every single speach therapy because our daughter is mentally delayed and didn't speak until almost 4. I loved him so much. So I tried to understand, I tried I promise I did. But he's gone isn't he?