His controlling made me feel terrible- like I was doing something wrong all the time. He had to read my messages and have passwords to my accounts. But i allowed it cause I too am messed up and thought it was a declaration of love and loyalty. But it was never enough - he accused me of cheating on him with other people all the time. Which is ironic cause who really was the cheater here. I know long run I am better off - it’s just the letting go part that really hurts right now. Letting go of the man and marriage I wanted but never go to have. Or maybe i had it briefly. I don’t know anymore - feels like it was all a lie. It’s feel like I wasted so much time on him.