Originally Posted by
Lost2011 
how long did it take to get over it? Did he ever apologize to you or get clean? Or did you have to just let it go and move on?
I've known many alcoholics, I don't know any that ever got in to recovery.
But I relate to the "two people" thing because of that horrible breakup I mentioned (with personality disordered guy).
He was one person, of course, but with two completely different personalities. Not even just personalities, two different ways of being, two different looks. Some of the same characteristics of course. Anyway, without going in to huge detail, it was actually helpful for me to be around him in his "new" persona (which I believe was the "real" him), because by then I KNEW I wanted no part of that (and actually asked him to leave - this was a try again situation).
Now we weren't married (thank god) and it only lasted about a year and a half and there were a lot of circumstances that led me there - BUT - it was hard at first for sure. It was almost a panicked feeling.
But one thing that helped is that someone said to me, you know he isn't actually dead, you could go see him tomorrow if you REALLY wanted to. Ok, well that's true. But I didn't really want to. And the more I saw of this other "real" personality, the more I grew tired of it.
Then I got angry and that was the saving grace. Took me about 2 weeks to get there after my final conversation with him (I told him we shouldn't speak for a while, never spoke to him again). Once I got angry, I leaped forward fast. I threw away all things that he got for me, threw away mementos, got new sheets and pillow cases, a new comforter - Be gone! And he was. So then I was angry for 2 weeks or so. One day I realized, I wasn't even actually angry anymore, I just didn't care.
Obviously you have much more history with your husband, you may not want to throw things out but maybe put them away in boxes and store them out of sight.
I want to hate him and not feel sad.
You might not actually hate him, but you might not care so very much once you look at who he is now, where he is now and how incredibly horribly he treated you. You do deserve so much better than this, so do your children.
Keep in mind, he is one person, not the "good guy" and the "bad guy" one man that is all of those things, you can't have one without the other.
My Father was an alcoholic, alcoholics/addicts do not make good parents.