Hi Trailmix,
I know this, but in the past (unbeknownst to be until semi-recently) his grandmother has threatened to throw him out of the house for being drunk. I've been scared of getting thrown out too. During my ultimatum, I did tell him I'll no longer be hiding his episodes. If people find out then so be it. I'll figure out a place to sleep.
As far as the money, we've been putting our savings together up until now, but I am going to be saving every penny I can for myself moving forward. I we can just split whatever we've saved together and go our separate ways. If not, I'm sure someone in my family may loan me some money. I have a degree and lots of experience, so I know I can get a decent job back in the state where I was living. But moving is still expensive so I want to make sure I have enough.
And yeah, you're right, I don't know that he isn't drinking in between these episodes. I don't know that he isn't lying, which kills me because that's not the type of dynamic I've cultivated in the relationship. Like a lot of you have said here, I can't control this or cure him. I am at a breaking point and feel like I'm just biding my time so I can get things together to make a move. Just an hour ago he messaged me that he is trading his slightly older fully paid car for a truck. The truck will have a monthly payment, and we are barely making ends meet right now. He says he'll get another job, and that he hasn't made a decision yet. But it hurts that he is telling me about it, not having a conversation about what to do together (as a married couple should).