@Rachaelfdg
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s so hard when they move on so quickly. I have posted here before:
Unless they have their head screwed up on right they’ll attach in rehab or in early recovery/sobriety in about 90% (that’s my guess as I have done plenty of reading, listening and educating about rehab/alcoholism/cheating….). But in that case they are not really in a real recovery, are they?! as they blame the drinking and leaving on us, partners.
@trailmix posted yesterday to my story a bout my husband blaming his leaving on me (
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ything-me.html (Angry at my husband for blaming everything on me))
This is really alcoholism 101 and he's not in recovery. Recovery looks like recovery. It's a change, a shift in outlook, it's being humble and honest etc. To him (in his not really logical state) you are the problem. He doesn't see your viewpoint because he is focused on his. This is not unusual at all in alcoholism or any addiction.
"The addict blames his addictive behavior on his significant other, usually his spouse. He feels resentful and self-pitying about the way he considers himself to be treated and uses this to justify his addiction. Since one of the commonest causes of resentment and self-pity in addicts is criticism by others of their addictive behavior, and since the characteristic response of the addict to such criticism is to escalate addictive behavior, this process tends to be self-perpetuating. The addict is often quite cruel in highlighting, exaggerating and exploiting any and every defect or flaw the significant other may have, or even in fabricating them out of his own mind in order to justify and rationalize his own behavior".
This is from: Excuses Alcoholics Make
My situation is similar that he moved on so easy and fell in love in rehab. After almost 8 years (9 together) went into rehab mid-February and got out a month later to fake and lie about everything, acted like he hated me, blamed all the drinking on me and the environment. After 3 weeks I couldn’t take it anymore, searched his smart watch and rehab binder and found that he was calling rehab and texting rehab friends about how in love he is with this girl that was there for a his last week. Also found love notes too. He denied everything.
Alcoholics/ addicts are selfish and very often narcissist. I was blaming myself for him leaving, as he blamed me for it and all his problems. He told me at one point he’s leaving because what I said when we 1st picked up our daughter from daycare after his rehab. Yesterday he said over the phone he left cause I got into his smart watch and rehab binder where I found the love notes. He has few of those “blaming reasons” that he keeps repeating. It’s never him. Unless he comes to me and tells me he is the problem, I know he is not in recovery. Just sober a-hole of a person.
He tells me he’s sober too. I believe he is and I believe he will last some time, maybe a year because he has done and managed it before but when things get tough for him, he’ll return back to the drinking. I think for addict or alcoholic to be successful in recovery and sobriety, they have to face their problems head on and admit their problems (step 4: make a moral inventory). Most addicts and alcoholics just move on and never face their problems/demons because they would have to realize they are/were monsters for what they have done to their loved ones. That’s why I think the rate of recovery/sobriety success is so low.
Just please know that you’re not alone. So many people have been in your shoes. It’s what they do: switch one addiction (alcohol/drug) for another (attachment/infatuation) in rehab or early recovery. It’s sad but nothing we can do about it. I do to have times I wish him to be sober and with us. I wish we could be happy family again but it doesn’t work like that. We can’t force anyone to anything. I’m in my 2 months of him leaving but it’ll take me long time too to move on. But time will help.
Good luck and let us know how you’re doing.