hi January, well, I'm sorry it's come to this, of course.
If you look at all those things (and yes it is A LOT of things) doesn't that feel totally overwhelming? It must.
You know, you kind of need a plan. Right now you are kind of helpless with all these things coming at you, mentally and in front of you.
Your Husband is drinking, your BFF is absent basically and the rest of what might be people to help lift you up aren't there for you.
It doesn't actually matter one iota what they think of your situation and how they downplay it, it only matters what your perception is, you are either content with it or not and you are not. Yes, you can try to adjust your attitude in any situation, that's true, but haven't you tried? I mean you either can or you can't. It's like having an alcoholic partner, you can either live in the same place as them and accept their drinking or you can't, period. No amount of mental gymnastics changes that. You can't change them, only yourself.
So what is your plan?
- Do you want to leave if he is drinking again? Financially is it possible?
- Do you have childcare (I assume you don't go out to work now?) - can you access more childcare, to take time for yourself, heck even if you just want a day alone to have a nap and read some books.
- What about his parents? Is there a possibility they could take the kids or even the older child, for some time over the summer, a week or two?
The main thing is, of course, if you don't start addressing some of this, you won't be good to look after anyone else either. It's time to put yourself first (within reason I know, since you have kiddies).
Make a decision about what you need and want to do and then start a plan. Then you won't feel so powerless (because you aren't).