Originally Posted by trailmix;[url=tel:7933576
7933576[/url]]Well that sounds good so far. I hope the rollercoaster isn't one with too many peaks and valleys!
I hope he gets the job that he wants. That will probably make a big difference as well.
When you say things that haven't been resolved - that come up, do you mean on a personal, relationship level or in addictive behaviour?
The roller coaster has had pretty mild peaks and valleys, thank goodness. And things are mostly just good. We’ve been getting along much better than we have since his first detox and dry spell last year - it feels back to “normal” again (I say that in quotes because things have certainly changed a lot, but our level of closeness feels like it used to before I joined the enemy camp). I’ve been working on a personal
goal related to something I’m terrified of, and he’s been a really great support for me when the panic has set in (but that’s getting to be rare now - progress!!). I think that’s helped with the closeness, as well, supporting each other as we work through hard things.
It doesn’t sound like the job is going to work out, so he’s looking at his options, but when the world is your oyster it’s almost more intimidating. Not sure where he will land there yet. I think it’s been a bit overwhelming to him, but he’s staying strong and focused.
As for me and the unresolved things (on my end, not on his), I’m doing mostly well. But I’ve noticed that sometimes if we have a mild disagreement I have a fairly strong reaction to it (mostly internally - I manage to stay in control of myself externally). I think it’s lingering feelings from when he disappeared on me, and I felt like it was so easy for him to toss me aside. I feel like everyone in my life tends to leave me behind, and there’s a lot of hurt there for me, so when all that happened with him it was extremely triggering. Part of me feels like I accept him the way he is but I have to be perfect or else it’s not enough for him. I’m not sure how much of it is me vs him. I get anxiety pretty badly sometimes and say things that sound like I’m trying to rush others or like I’m frustrated with them (even though I’m really just feeling overwhelmed and anxious), and I feel like although he’s usually very patient about it he sometimes swings the other direction and then has trouble letting go of his frustration for the rest of the day. I understand his side because I know I can be difficult sometimes, but at the same time I wish he understood that I’m doing the best I can to manage everything. I have a ton on my plate between a pretty intense job, things being hard with the kids, and the stress of all that’s happened this year. That probably sounds worse than it actually is because, like I said, he’s a generally really patient person, and things have been really good. I’m just trying to understand why some small moments feel so much bigger than they really are.