LoveMyAHusband

I feel like we’ve had a couple bumpy days that previously would have led to drinking, but he handled those well. I know he’s been feeling a bit flat and like people expect him to be more upbeat, but he seems to be working through that, too. We haven’t been through any big celebrations yet (besides my brother’s birthday, but my family is very anti-alcohol, so drinking there has never been a thing). But we’ve been back around both our families now, and we had our first game night back with our friends last night (one of them is in recovery, and the rest are very supportive, so it’s a great group). He’s also getting progress made on his finances and figuring out what to do for work (considering going back to school again) - all great things.

I’d say I’m doing fairly well. Some days are hard because he is more distant and in his head, but I appreciate that he’s been open about how he feels during those times (afterwards). I got a bit triggered the other day but didn’t tell him about it: he went rock-climbing with some guys from his IOP group, and I was a bit bummed that he was gone for most of the day and that he didn’t invite me (I love rock climbing and gave it up after he and my climbing partner couldn’t get along and he eventually didn’t want to get up early enough to climb with me, either). I don’t think I would’ve felt the same way if he was doing a different activity, and I was glad he was making new sober friends, which is why I thought it made sense to keep this one to myself (it seems more like a me problem than a him problem, and I absolutely don’t want to discourage him from making new friends). One thing that came up in our couples therapy this week was around how much of our time we have spent together and how little time we’ve spent with others. The therapist wasn’t concerned or anything, but I do think that’s something that will probably need to change as he builds a bigger support system. That’ll be an adjustment, but it’s a good one.

I’ve chosen to put the family stuff on the back burner for now. They’re not actively causing problems, and I can be civil with them. Of course, if something new comes up we will have to address it. And I know I get uncomfortable every time I see them or he talks to them, so it probably won’t stay on the back burner for too long.

I think right now he’s pretty determined not to drink. He doesn’t pretend like he doesn’t miss it, but every time he says something like that he caveats it with something like “but it’s never fun anymore”. Like he’s reminding himself that the reality of it isn’t like what his rose-colored memory wants him to think it’s like. I appreciate his candor. I can see it’s a hard shift for him, but I do see him enjoying things he was too checked out for again, and I think that’s helping a lot. And I’m doing a much better job of staying out of it this time, which is such a relief!