it's a process, David, this figuring out of oneself. sometimes people know it early and accept it, many times there are feelings/thoughts that we consider unacceptable and push away.
it does not help that many others, ofyen our families and society around us, are prejudiced, condemning, ignorant and arrogant about so much.
i am a queer person, though not trans, so have experienced some of the condemnarion and non-acceptance that is thrown around and targeted. there's no denying that exists.
there's also no denying YOU exist, in whatever form and way that turns out to be.
i'm glad you're here, talking about your experience. there is support out there for you to help with figuring out how to go forward.
when i finally decided to go to AA and do the step stuff, after checking out many different meetings i settled on a fairly new one, for queer and trans folk. really
empowering to be in a roomful of people who have been where you're at, with similar questions, fears and confusions, but who are there to share their common solution to their life with alcoholism and who are moving forward in hope and strength.
wishing you well!