Good for you for doing what feels right to you. Nothing can make you do it until you’re ready, which it sounds like you are. I have no idea what the outcome of my story will be yet, but I also chose to ask my beloved husband to leave. It was the hardest month of my life after that - I missed him terribly. But I still don’t see any way in which I could’ve stayed and felt ok about it. I couldn’t continue letting him backslide and hurt our relationship, our family, and himself in front of us. He spiraled horribly afterward, and I was afraid for his life. But I was also grateful not to have a front row seat to it. And he did eventually get into treatment, but if he hadn’t I can’t even imagine how much worse my life would be right now if he was still here at home. You’re doing the right thing by following your gut here.
That said, I’m sorry for all the hurt you’re experiencing. Even when you make the right choice for you, there’s so much second-guessing and hurt. One book that helped me a lot is Getting Them Sober. It’s an easy read, and it gave me a lot of comfort when I was questioning my decision.