Happy Easter to you and your family!
We are all meant to be happy. Happiness being that inside work and making changes for said happiness. You know what is right for you and how you want to live your life. No one is living your life but you. Everyone has their own experiences and makes their own choices according to their values, ways of viewing life, etc.
I think ..... You are processing and figuring out what it is you need to be happy. This is AWESOME! keep doing that.
I believe you will reach your destination.