okay I realize I wasn't eat hardly anything the last two days because I became so obsessed with smoking/nicotine I wasn't eat as I should. In fact I had no appetite at all today because i was smoking so much. the biggest conclusion I came to is this nicotine business is all about not feeling, because I became aware that had no emotions other than feeded my addiction. im a slave right now all I'm thinking about is when can I have more. it is just one addiction I see that now. I did it because I was afraid of doing my 4th step because with my new sponsor I'm afraid that he will think I'm a freak. I have to admit I have been self harming my self because I find it exciting to Hurt myself. i don't cut but I do something really strange. mabey I shouldn’t say this but I sometimes wear women's garments and I'm extremely ashamed about this. I'm not gay though I'm terrified of being misunderstood and being found out. I guess are secrets keep us sick. David
David