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smoking cigs again

Old 03-22-2023, 07:47 AM
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smoking cigs again

I should have known better that vaping would lead to smoking. I was using the nicotine gum to handle cravings and I tried to just go cold turkey it didn't work. I thew out my nicotine gum and thought I will be able to handle, I made it 24 hours,and the withdrawal were so bad I was physically shaking life alcohol withdrawal. so I ran to the store last night it a fit of craving, then I caved and smoked. I been smoking since them and hinding it by taking showers every time i smoke.
this happened because I thought I could handle a little nicotine and control it. I really believed it would be different from when I used to smoke. I hasn't smoked for 13 years. It was as if I never quit. I know this isn't helping and I can quit I just need to keep trying. I'm confident I can quit until I start to feel shaky then I cave when I can't take it anymore. I'm going to buy some nicotine inhalers not a vape and some gum. I plan to taper of over a couple weeks. I don't want to smoke and cold turkey is to hard. I had a panic attack in my sleep last night because I was trying to leave it alone. I then had to smoke two cigs just to feel normal. I was vaping an insane amount before I tired to quit probably 3 packs a day worth. if I ever drink again I know this what will happen with drinking so I know I'm never drinking again I'm done. on a side note 30 days today no smoking pot or drinking.
I wish I never did this i hate that i did. i know my drinking relapse probably led to this, because if I hadn't drank again or gotten high this never would of happened.
I'm so sick of being an addict I didn't plan any of this. im feeling very low and my self worth is shot. I can't quit on my own I need help. I couldn't quit booze on my so I need help for this. the nicotine withdrawals are worse than drinking because they come on so much faster. drinking would take a week in row this took a few hours before the cravings were insane. so much worse than cravings to drink.
David
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Old 03-22-2023, 05:56 PM
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I think rather than thinking that all these things are different addictions, maybe its best to think of them as one addiction manifesting themselves in different ways.

Nows its time to let your addiction go - regardless of what form its tormenting you with this week.

You mentioned help - I think think that a great idea, whether its posting here, AA and the Steps, speaking with your doctor and therapist, inpatient or outpatient rehab - whatever you can do, now's the time to do it. Don't wait another day.

I think you'll have to accept a certain amount of discomfort for a while David, but its worth it.

D
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Old 03-22-2023, 07:19 PM
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Dee is right, David. There is plenty of help available, specifically for nicotine, to help you get over the hump, but you will have to power through some of it. Addiction is tricky, and in order to successfully remain free, the work must continue, rather than jumping from one thing to another. I mean this in the most respectful way possible, please know you aren’t alone. Many of us replace alcohol with other unhealthy things, like consuming too much sugar, or spending money, etc, and seeing these behaviors for what they are and addressing them is just a part of ongoing recovery. Finding healthy alternatives and discovering why we make poor choices are partly what programs help us with, including SR, after the early phases of recovery. I know you have had success with sobriety, it sounds like stronger support would be a good idea to make it permanent and to not be plagued by any cravings.

Congrats on 30 days, that’s a big deal. Good work.
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Old 03-22-2023, 08:23 PM
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okay I realize I wasn't eat hardly anything the last two days because I became so obsessed with smoking/nicotine I wasn't eat as I should. In fact I had no appetite at all today because i was smoking so much. the biggest conclusion I came to is this nicotine business is all about not feeling, because I became aware that had no emotions other than feeded my addiction. im a slave right now all I'm thinking about is when can I have more. it is just one addiction I see that now. I did it because I was afraid of doing my 4th step because with my new sponsor I'm afraid that he will think I'm a freak. I have to admit I have been self harming my self because I find it exciting to Hurt myself. i don't cut but I do something really strange. mabey I shouldn’t say this but I sometimes wear women's garments and I'm extremely ashamed about this. I'm not gay though I'm terrified of being misunderstood and being found out. I guess are secrets keep us sick. David

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Old 03-22-2023, 08:58 PM
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David if your sponsor were to react in a judgemental way to your 'secrets' - for cutting, cross dressing or anything else - they wouldn't be the right one for you.

You did a 4th step before and it turned out ok - I feel strongly this one will too

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Old 03-22-2023, 11:40 PM
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A thing to try that trains one to correct the attitude to craving is to instead of saying ‘I want, crave, a cigarette’ is to say ‘the craving for a cigarette has arisen in me’. Slowly separate from the craving feeling. The feeling in fact is not you. Not what defines you. It comes and goes and I can be aware of that without being it’s slave. Be tossed about like a boat without a rudder or seek shelter and let the storm pass.
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Old 03-23-2023, 05:00 AM
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Thanks for sharing. Your post triggers a couple of reactions in me.

First, I'll note that I've come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic for whom only fully committing to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous will work in terms of staying clean and sober, and I am one of those types. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

Second, when I finally quit cigarettes I used the following method: (1) very gradual taper to 5 cigs per day by spreading out the number of cigs I was smoking on a daily basis evenly across the day and then removing 1 cig each week (thereby increasing the time between cigs); (2) I had been told that there's no point trying to go from 5 to 0 gradually, so after a week at 5 cigs I switched to the nicotine gum as needed. That was over 20 years ago and I haven't had a cig since -- though I'm convinced I'd be both drinking and smoking if I wasn't fully committed to the recovery program of A.A.
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