Resentment at myself
Hi all, I'm brand new to the is forum but am hoping to get some good feedback.
I've been mad at myself because I am a giver. I give and help almost anyone and am always taken advantage of. I have a friend who has tried to get sober 4 or 5 times and now she has pulled 6 months together. I have always been there and given this friend a free place to stay, money for cigarettes, coffee, food, gas, etc.... she has never attempted to repay me and most of the time she is very ungrateful.
Since she's been out of rehab this time I haven't helped her at all but she called me the other day saying that the women she is living with has asked her to leave and she said she needs to put feelers out in the rooms and see if anyone will take her in. I told her it's no-ones responsibility to give her a free place to stay and take care of her. She's 30 years old. Come to find out a friend of mine has offered to take her in and this whole situation has nothing to do with me but I've been nothing but really upset about the situation.
The more I've thought about this I've come to realize, that it's not her behaviors that drive me crazy (totally) it's that I'm so upset with myself for giving her so much and thinking that she's been my real friend. Now that I've expressed to her that I don't agree with her behaviors she hasn't talked to me.
Being so insecure it's been killing me that she's not talking to me. I don't want to lose a friend but at the same time I don't need a friend who only uses me when it's convenient for her.
How do I let this go?