If you live in an area with several meetings I would suggest trying different ones and seeing if you feel an affinity for any other group/meeting.
You can also try sharing pretty much exactly what you said here either in a meeting when you share, or with someone after the meeting who you feel comfortable being open with.
"Venting" is quite common in the meetings I go to! Y'know venting about whatever I'm going through. AlAnon did help me to start framing the things I wanted to vent about as "I" statements, which helped me focus things on my reactions and my feelings etc.
Ex: "I got home the other night and my brother was lying on my back porch passed out, with his car keys in his hand. I completely panicked, I was so angry. I shook him and tried to wake him, he was a groggy mess. It was about 30 degrees outside and snowing. I wish I just called 911 and let EMS take him away. But I didn't. I dragged him into my kitchen. And my boys were going to be home in an hour and I was really freaked out about them seeing this! Like why should I care? I mean other than yes, it is disturbing, the thing I realize I was feeling was shame, and how quickly I wanted to hide this scenario from my sons! I mean, my mind was all over the place, my heart was racing, I was so angry, like I am so sick of this crap and I am really struggling...." etc.
Like that. So talking about what's on my mind, and what I'm dealing with, but not just talking about my brother, talking more about my feelings or what I did. And many many times I shared my absolutely ridiculous decisions of things that I did!! And so did other people in the meetings! That's one way I felt safe in AlAnon people had tried the same misguided things I did LOL. Just like here on SR where I feel like everyone can relate to what I'm going through.
But not just venting and focusing like, "My brother is acting like such an a**hole and HE did/said this and he did that.. and HE lied about this...and HE drank...etc etc."
As I listened and learned to keep re-framing things so that I was focused on my problems, and my choices, my reactions, and my life, the things I could control, the things I want to change and where I want to go I started to feel better. That's why I kept going back to meetings. It definitely took time for me to find the rhythm and understand how that re-framing and re-focus and the slogans and readings and steps were giving me effective tools.
I think just like any "therapy" or learning how to handle the on-going trauma of loving an active alcoholic, or any complicated efforts to help ourselves and change our behavior it takes time to find the best fit - for some people AlAnon provides the tools. For me it was a combo of AlAnon, books, on-on-one counseling, and this forum that really helped me grow and find more peace of mind.
Keep reaching out and accepting help and trying things. There are so many people on here who have been in your shoes. I've only dealt with acloholic father and brothers and friends...I've not had to deal with an A child which is a whole other level of challenge and heartbreak ((((hugs)))))
Peace,
B