Okay sorry last post. My advice above is wrong because it is not encouraging you to stay on your side of the street. You cannot control anyone else, you can just set your own boundaries on what you're willing to do/hear in those situations.
I'm sorry. Your post just hits close to home with me and the feelings I'm still sorting through with my exMIL so I'm not a great person to help hear, I'm too emotional in my response.