luvflowers

I am 3 years into the realization of my son's alcohol abuse. I spent most of my adult life working and raising my children. I was prior military and traveled a bit and never established long-term relationships. Family is helpful to a degree, but only my mother who is late 80 knows my woes in regard to my son. One other person from a past short-lived al-anon group that I spoke to briefly, knows of my situation. Then finally this wonderful group of supporters knows, due to my past posts. Needless to say, I am struggling without interaction with others. I also get it, his situation is not my situation. I have yet to get to that place of emotional sobriety, a term that I just learned yesterday at my 3rd al-anon in-person meeting. This is the second new group of al-anon that I have attended in the new area where I now reside. I attended the zoom version of al-anon in the former state I resided. Zoom al-anon did not work for me.

I am trying to give al-anon a chance. I do understand the workings of the group. It is not a place to whine and vent. What I have experienced in the 6-7 meetings is that they are very regimented. The time that is given to members to discuss or verbalize positive results and how al-anon has positively affected them is limited, so that others may speak, I get that. This is a very important element in healing, and of this I am aware. The problem is the only time I have attended is in the midst of episodes that I have been involved when my son in his abusing alcohol. My daughter-in-law never fails to let me know of the situation and what he is doing. I am glad that she lets me know, and that she is afraid., I can not tell her to not tell me for then I would beat myself up forever if anything happened to him, her, or the grandbabies, from him being under the influence. I already am not the most social so for me to talk at the meetings at that time is not the best, all I want to do is cry. I know that I need to make a concerted effort to continue with consistent attendance.

My question is since this group reaches many areas and people, are all al-anons groups run this way? I just at times feel like I just need someone to talk to, not whine and complain. Just vent. These groups have to be run this way so that the focus can stay on the person seeking support, not the culprit of the attendee's problem. I know I can and have managed to get to this age without much mental health involvement. I had a husband that abused alcohol, but I left him due to that and other reasons. I was also working and different outlets for my emotional health. I exercise and read which helps, but it only helps so much. I am making somewhat of an effort (not like I should) to get out and meet others. I am not that social so this is a VERY hard task for me.

Any insight from this great group of people would be great.

Thank you so much for your precious time in reading this.