AJ welcome back.
Originally Posted by AJ
I have been doing a lot of soul searching these past few months and I have so much resentment towards my mother.
I had the same feeling about my mother. For a long time I hated her and then I turned that hate inward and begun to hate myself. Not caring if I live or die each day made it easy to pick-up drink/drugs. My life philosophy became F-it, if i live in drunken squallor, so what, I deserve it because I'm worth less that trash. As a young man I was set on a course of dejection without direction. I was lost.
With recovery I learned with counseling, trauma groups, self directed study and practice of healing, forgiveness happened. I forgave myself because unlike my belief the trauma was my fault, I was not at fault. I forgave my mother because she too was not at fault. An ease flowed across my trauma, the 'sting' of being hurt to my very core, lifted. I had found a way to 'let go' of all the why it happened and why I was hurt. When I recall my trauma now it is loved and cared for by me. It is part of me and it has made me stronger, more resilient and proud to have survived the whole misery of active addiction.
And You too AJ can heal in ways that will amaze you.