Originally Posted by
Hiding8 
I feel ridiculous for not just committing to recovery, rather than “Dry February”. Especially when I’m not having a horrible time or suffering cravings or withdrawals….I still don’t want to give it up permanently. I don’t know how to force myself to want this. I feel like I’m trying to talk myself into quitting. This is why I say I go in & out of denial. I KNOW I have a problem, but I often think it’s not that bad. I keep reminding myself of the negative consequences of my drinking, & forget them right after!
It's possible it isn't that bad. Obviously, the information you get here will be in regards to recovery from alcoholism. We are alcoholics, not the Temperance Union trying to stop everyone from drinking. And none of us are in a position to diagnose you as an alcoholic. I went to AA for months, never identifying myself as an alcoholic, because I wasn't sure. I just knew my life was going down the drain because I drank too much, and I wasn't able to control it. That was both laughable and sad, but it describes just one aspect of our condition that we must come to terms with. Early on in my drinking, I may have been justified and easily able to take on recovery, but I don't know because I never did. I just kept drinking, and for most of us, alcoholism is a slow creeping disability. Others are alcoholics the minute the race starts once the gate opens.
Without making any accusations or diagnostics, you are processing your situation exactly the way I did for many years before I finally owned up to my situation. Years before I quit, I would wonder if I might be an alcoholic, thinking that if I ever got that bad I would quit. I suppose non alcoholics might do that too. But I am certain beyond a shadow that answering this question should be a priority in anyone's life. Right now, I will just wish you success in whatever you do, and whatever decisions you make. And it goes without saying that you are welcome here.