Originally Posted by Hiding8

Hi. I’ve been a long-time lurker. First time poster. I’m doing my 1st ever dry February, so I’m 4 days sober. Alcohol is ruining my life, but I don’t even want to quit. I’m 52 & have had problems with alcohol for roughly 35 years! I’ve had increasing blackouts, embarasssing moments, several injuries, & my mental state is deteriorating along with my health & family life. I know I am an alcoholic & I need to quit, but I go in & out of denial constantly. My husband, 2 kids (21 & 18), and a couple friends have all expressed concern, worry, disappointment, fear, etc., yet I’ve continued to live in denial. I’ve become increasingly depressed & unhealthy & angry. My cholesterol, triglycerides, blood pressure, & weight have all increased (duh!). I’m embarrassed that I have let myself get to this current state, especially when intellectually I KNOW what the root of the problem is! It’s so frustrating to have such an intense love for something (drinking) that is killing me & also making me sick more often than not! It doesn’t even make sense! But I also know that I have these feelings & internal conflicts & feelings because I am an alcoholic. I HATE that word!!! And I hate that I feel so flawed! I feel embarrassed for having this problem. THREE people have said I won’t be fun anymore since I started dry February! I hate that I cannot drink normally & that I will be considered boring without alcohol. Thanks for reading.