Day 5
Thank you for the replies! I have read & re-read them all! It’s very encouraging & motivating.
When I said I’ve drank for 35 years, it was not continuous, & I have never gone on benders or had withdrawals. I’ve been a binge drinker & in the past 5 years have drank about 4-5 days per week. Most issues have arose in the past 10 years. (Family arguments, injuries, & now mild health issues that I can totally fix!) Interestingly, it wasn’t difficult at all for me to quit on Feb 1. It feels more like a downer because I can’t partake. I keep thinking about drinking, but I wouldn’t call it craving. I had a fun Saturday night out with my husband last night & it was easy to not drink, but I felt a little like I was missing out.
I feel ridiculous for not just committing to recovery, rather than “Dry February”. Especially when I’m not having a horrible time or suffering cravings or withdrawals….I still don’t want to give it up permanently. I don’t know how to force myself to want this. I feel like I’m trying to talk myself into quitting. This is why I say I go in & out of denial. I KNOW I have a problem, but I often think it’s not that bad. I keep reminding myself of the negative consequences of my drinking, & forget them right after! Regardless, I’m sticking to my Dry February for now, & reading lots here.
Speaking of this site, I’ve actually been reading for years (maybe 5 or more??). Finally created an account last summer & finally made my 1st post yesterday! Just since making this post, I’ve felt different in some way….maybe some strength from all of you! Thank you!