Oh, darling. Send you lots of love. You have all my support. Also, welcome! <3
I completely understand that panicky feeling and it is such a nightmare. I'm experiencing it as we speak.
I admire your desire to support your father through his addiction. However, at the end of the day, you can't take responsibility for him, and especially not as his child. Love him, but don't assume responsibility for him or his drinking or his sobriety. Not only is that not your cross to bear, but it's just too much for a person. The only person you are responsible for is yourself, and you need love, care, and support, too.
Detachment has saved my life (if not my marriage, pfff) more than once. I don't know how to explain the process of detaching, but I'd describe it as just not investing so much emotional or physical responsibility in your alcoholic loved one and laying some good boundaries where the drinking is involved. Kind of like separating yourself from it. Remember it isn't your fault. <3
Vent here to us anytime. <3 We've all been there and we all understand and get it.
Hang in there. <3