Originally Posted by
LifeRecovery 
Wellthen-
I did not experience a rock bottom for my loved one that got me here.
I kept seeing "snapshots" of behavior that would have been my rock bottom so spent a lot of time thinking abut them, hoping it was it etc.
I finally started to do better (and it took a very long time) - when I realized that it did not matter what my qualifiers rock bottom was, it mattered what mine was.
You don't have to know it now, but you will know what yours is.
Ohhh, this is interesting. I think a lot about boundaries and deal breakers, but never about my own rock bottoms, which include:
-Being told my anxiety is a bigger issue than him lying for 18 years about hard drug use.
-Being told that the reason he didn't return my daily text (I wasn't badgering him--checked in once a day) for four days on a trip was was doing drugs and "knew I was struggling" at home alone with our young kids.
-Considering hiring someone to watch him and see if he was drinking at a party and also hanging out with a woman I suspect he cheated with (please don't judge--that's so embarrassing)
-Hearing my kids express anxiety about his drinking
-Hoping against all odds he was telling the truth when he lied multiple times about his car getting clipped, only to find out I was right all along
-Having suicidal ideations in response to some of his actions and needing meds to function somewhat normally in my life
I start with a new therapist this week to process a lot of this. She seems very helpful so far.
Thank you, everyone, for sharing your experiences. They help more than you could possibly imagine.