Does it ever end.
So my exAH finished rehab mid-December thinking he checked some box with me (I did it! I'm better! he says). He's not better. His mom told me just the other day that she doesn't think he's back to getting drunk but she knows she's called him recently and she thinks he's having A cocktail with his new girlfriend (did I mention he has a new girlfriend? She got out of rehab the same day did and they literally have not left each others sides since...............). Seems she's also an alcoholic and was in rehab to get her depression meds right. None of this he told me of course, he said he met her at grad school. I'm just close with his mom and she told me.
Anyway, I'm wanting to revise the divorce decree to add in a step up program to put a barrier between my ex and my kids. It just says he needs to do soberlink for 365 days straight plus random drugs tests and if he proves to me he's sober and builts my trust that way (he says hes sober yet he's having a cocktail with his girlfriend?) then I'll allow him to work towards a regular custody situation. He doesn't have them right now and hasn't asked for them, but he does call occasionally and wants to see them when they're with his divorced parents (separately).
I told him this weekend that he needs to agree to my terms or I'm starting the process with my lawyer. He told me and his mom that I'm trying to ruin his life and that I'm treating him like a caged animal. I'm just wanting to protect myself and my kids from his insanity. I know it may seem controlling to many of you, but my exAH has LITERALLY gone INSANE this past year from the drinking. Even when he's not drinking, the alcohol affects his body, his sleep, his mind, and it spills over into his every day life and I just cannot allow him to be around my kids influencing them with his insanity. I will put up a HUGE legal fight pulling out all the stops. But I guess his thing is he's not even asking for what's on paper right now. 1/3/5. I'm just trying to protect myself from that crazy person that's in there that I know will come out in just a matter of time since I know he's not seeking recovery. I keep asking my boyfriend, can't he just go away?! When he's silent and leaves us alone things are peaceful but when stuff like this comes up it somewhat consumes me like I'm trying to solve this problem that just cannot be solved.
I'm just posting for comfort and advice because I feel like some of you guys know me and can help me find my center.