Tombplant

I went to visit my partner or now ex partner in the hospital yesterday. He’s in there from the relapse and drugs causing an infection and had surgery. A couple days before he phoned asking for a number and then I said I was upset with our last exchange and it felt like he was breaking up with me. He said he didn’t do that at all and he never said that. So I left it. I saw him yesterday after a couple days of no calls, it was fine at first. He was going to be in there another two weeks then go to rehab. I stayed calm, as I didn’t want to discuss the relationship, but then he started telling me how he was going to move away for work, and that he only is going to do what keeps him healthy and that doesn’t include me. He said our relationship left him in relapse. He said that it wasn’t appropriate for me to be there, he doesn’t want anything to do with me, I don’t make him happy, I need to make friends and supper because he can’t give me anything, then he threatens to get security and the nurses to kick me out of the hospital. What a slap in my face. I left in tears. Because of the mental illness that cause him to black or white think, the borderline personality disorder, combined with what he said was 4 overdoses on his relapse and all of this I don’t know what to think.

i already asked him a couple weeks ago if we should not be together while he’s in a month rehab because of the one year rule, he said no and it doesn’t apply to current relationships. He said he wouldn’t abandon me, he wouldn’t just leave. He said all the right things and every day the first time he was in detox calling me with all these realizations (he relapsed iv fentanyl and meth for a week from a day of drinking and was on the streets, was found I took him to detox for a week, then he relapsed again for another week and I brought him to detox again but then to the hospital). So here I am, being committed to him through all of this, I helped in so many ways to find him and help him with his bank stuff from wallets being stolen, I showed support, care and love, just for him to tell me to consider myself single and as of that moment I am nothing to him.

Is this normal? He is on suboxone but I don’t know how that is affecting his thinking. He’s broken up with me and blocked me more times than I can count, and has always said sorry after and he couldn’t control this reality that comes over him. The circumstances are different because he relapsed after years of sobriety (he had one slip for one day in august but 7 years clean before that).

i am so lost. It’s like everything and the commitment made me feel more secure through this, now he doesn’t even want to say that he wants to be with me when he’s better. That hurts. He is blaming the relapse and unhappiness on me and he talked to me so poorly. Why do I want to be with someone like this? Why can’t I let him go when he is literally Telling me he does not care about me and it’s implied that him not wanting to commit to me suddenly is just not wanting to commit to ME. I am so drained. Broken.