Ive been telling him I’ve been unhappy bc of his drinking for the past several months., I don’t want to repeat this cycle again - I won’t. He has ptsd related anger issues when he’s drunk that I get the brunt of. He can be verbally abusive and refuses to get a job w regular pay (he’s opting to work on his business that does not make enough money to support him). He can be a bully. I’m discouraged that he thinks he may be able to drink again.
My AB says that he’s confused about what I want and that I’m being judgmental of his recovery. He says that I have mental health issues too (true), and it’s not fair that this is all on him.
This bit I bolded IS your boundary.
Your boundary needs to be enforced by YOU. Meaning, if you say something it is up to you to act on that. Not him. His "action" on it is to continue drinking after he plays along for a little while to get you back in his bed.
It is not all on him.
He doesn't sound like he is interested or isn't capable of honoring your boundary. It also isn't your job to continue to explain it to him, but as long as you continue to engage with him you'll be dragged along. Pretty simple. It isn't up to him, it's up to you. You have taught him that you don't do what you say you are going to do - just like him.
This is a dangerous manipulation he's doing. I hope you run. Fast. Abuse, questioning your relationships with others (mom,) not working, using "PTSD" as an excuse for verbal abuse and drunken anger?...Very dangerous.