Originally Posted by ciowa

Greetings.

I've been sober for a few years now and I used to be a binge drinker up into middle age. I started out as a "normal drinker" in my late teens and over time turned into a binge drinker who would go on 5 day vodka binges because I didnt want to stop after the first drink. This was a slow progression and in my early 40s I still thought I had a handle on it because even then I was only going out on weekends and leaving when the bar closed. But when I passed the tipping point, the downslide was fast and intense.

When I was drinking, I used to think that being sober all the time would be awful. In fact, I used to think it would be impossible to live life without the occasional drink (the occasional drink turning into 5 days, mind you). My biggest worry when I quit was that I would only make it about 4 months and go on a wild bender and feel like a failure. But that never happened because I was committed to seeing what my life could be like without alcohol and I took it serious. I put in a lot of work and made a bunch of changes in my life.

When I first got sober, I used to have euphoric recall quite a bit. Remembering the "good times" was triggered by all sorts of things like music, movies, sports events, etc. I had to do a lot of introspection and think about what itch the drinking was scratching for me. I also studied a lot on the bio chemistry of alcohol to understand why people seemed more interesting when I was drinking, why I felt more relaxed, why I felt like I was on adrenaline when alcohol is a depressant etc. I found some good resources and answers to my questions but I had to be proactive with books, videos and podcasts.

Nowadays, I rarely have that euphoric recall of the drinking days because those memories have alll been replaced by sober experiences. And with time I can look back at all the nights I spent drinking in bars with "friends" and honestly say those times weren't as great as I used to imagine them. Whereas I would hear a song and be reminded of an epic pool game I won with a friend and how we all cheered and people bought us shots, I now remember that I ended up staggering home alone afterwards and, watching YouTube videos until 7am the next morning so I could walk to the liquor store to buy a half gallon of vodka and refusing to answer my phone for a day and then had a bad hangover for 2 days.

Thats one example of how my perception of my drinking has changed. If you had asked me back when I was in the thick of it, I would have told you that its not really causing me much of a problem and there was nothing better to do except drink.