"80/ 20"
Ive been thinking about effort. Specifically how much effort I give to a task, or how much energy I exert on any given day. I give 100% to all the things I tackle. For example, I wrote a few manuals for my work. These manuals are not just pages of words. One manual has a Galactic cover, pop culture references, dividers, laminated pages, and from my perspective we are just getting started. When I go about to reset an area in my work, all the shampoos, conditioners, and face washes are on the floor, and its a hazard zone for many hours until the entire area is reset and shining. I dont approach anything without the EXTRA.
Even today, I was going to work a half day. I told myself, "Just show up and do the necessary and get yourself home" ....... Well, I was swimming in some project that I started on my own accord. It was 30 minutes past clock out time before I left. I even have a habit of asking my boss if I can work a half day, and he is always happy to agree. He finds me working away a few hours later. He knows I'm not leaving.
Ive identified this EXTRA as being a thorn in my side. This is that balance thing I wrote about in the last series. Balance. Knowing when the effort is acceptable and then leaving it be. It just needs to be acceptable.
Needless to say, I am exhausted when the weekend comes and my brain goes blank. The things I know I need to do will sit there until I have a bit of "Staring off into space" time. The "staring off into space" can take an entire weekend. I nap. I read. I get on here and ramble, but that 100% is missing in the things that truly matter to me.
What truly matters to me right now?
Having the brain power to finish the pages on the stories I am writing. One is whimsical and fun. The other is real and memory filled. Its two unfinished pieces that need focus and are deserving of my time and energy. I don't give a **** if those two pieces never see the light of day. None of that matters. What matters is that I finish what I start. I then present the finished pieces to myself and say "You finished. You did this. I am proud of you!"
I think..... I think I had felt like I was failing myself a few years ago. Its kind of hard to see clearly when you're swimming in a wine barrel. Those wine barrels produce an immense amount of regret. Days lost to hangovers. Days lost to trying to gather information on what transpired. I put MAX effort into my drinking career. Ultimately, it was not a good fit and I retired. I found a position that was more suited to living a life and not destroying it. Now I work to find the balance with all of it. I wish there was a manual for this type of struggle. A "How to accomplish all the things"
So, Ill be dialing it back on the work front. Its an 80/ 20 effort now. Slow down a little. I have nothing to prove to anyone. Do I need to prove anything to anyone? No. Absolutely not.
Well......I MUST prove to myself that I can finish these pieces I started. Get through the whole arduous process. Start to finish.
The next time I come to this place, I will be reporting that I hammered out a bunch of words on a page. I did write for an hour this morning. I have been writing. Its just not coming easy to me right now..... Then I go off to the place that pays. Before that I try to get in running and weights. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME TO GET ALL THESE IMPORTANT THINGS DONE!
I mean... These problems are not even problems, Mizz. Keep it in perspective.
827 days sober.