I can definitely relate.
Before Christmas I felt like I couldn't experience joy. Like a passenger, going through the motions. I felt so guilty about the time I'd lost and being so removed from my family. I'm bipolar and getting sober has forced me to seek professional help for it.
I've also been puzzling over my life plan. I've been driven by this unquenchable need to prove myself, achieve and progress my whole life. I'm almost 40 now and sitting wondering what it's all for and where it's going.