Originally Posted by
ToughChoices 
How others treat me is about them. Not about me.
When I'm treated like poop, it doesn't make me poop. I'm only responsible for part of the smelly mess if I tolerate, accept, beg for more, etc..... of the treatment (I've def done all that). Otherwise, it's best to leave the responsibility with the offender.
Your ex sounds like a person with very little emotional, relational, or spiritual intellect. He is not an appropriate match for you, and sensing that, he moved on. Your actions (not immediately dropping your plans to accommodate him) made it obvious that there was no way he was going to be able to manipulate you as he desired. The game isn't any fun for him if you aren't willing to play. Perhaps the quick ending was not the result of your faults/flaws (though we all have 'em!), but your relative emotional health and self-worth.
Reframe this, AJ. He got out because you were outgrowing him. The self-doubt and anxiety that plagues you is just a remnant of your old, unhealthy thought patterns, but you are growing through and past those patterns. They bear no current truth. You are becoming who you are meant to be, and this ex, having played his part in your development, is best left behind.
Praying real, actual prayers for your sweet spirit.
-TC
thank you TC for this spot on version and reframing. I think the hardest part for me is the length of time I spent healing from my ex husband made me somewhat of a dating recluse. I get asked out often (not bragging) but I never want to go. I’ve forced myself in the past to go … and I just felt so blah and disconnected that I never said yes to most second dates. When I met this person I had been single 2 years. He wasn’t crazy attractive … pretty average (which was fine with me)… I felt normal around him. For the first time in 2 years I felt a type of comfortable energy that made me want to do normal life things with him. Like grocery shopping, target runs. Keep in touch throughout our days. There was a banter and friendship that built and then a ton of chemistry followed. When he first started to devalue me (said I wasn’t virtuous ect) I looked at it as him just stating his worries. But it got more and more demeaning over the months. By the end he was yelling at me to use my brain… telling me he was more evolved then me and that if we break up all guys are going to want me for is sex. But by that point we had spent nearly everyday together for 4 months and I was devastated. So I’m not surprised how it ended … I heard weeks later through mutual friends that I’m not the first, second even third girl that they know of that’s had this exact experience. The building up to tare you down. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them because it felt so good to feel like I had my person to do life with again. I think when people are younger they have like a best friend they do life with. I did anyway. And as we get older we typically want that one person in a romantic way to do life with. It had just been 2 years of not having that and “doing the work”… and I’m bummed that’s still the type of man I attracted. I presume the old me would have hopped to it and tried to make up with him or please him. But this time i just sat back and allowed it to play out. I guess I’m just sad. It made me see just how much I miss having someone to share my life with. I am very blessed in the friend department… but I want to cuddle at night and have my hand held. 2 years was a long time just to run into this piece of work. Back to working on myself again ….