Hi TC
You're a very smart, articulate, clearly higher educated woman. I admire that and find your post very well thought out.
Just something I want just to throw out there is something I experienced in my many recovery journeys:
Analysis Paralysis. I don't mean to imply you have this. I did at one time overthink why I became addicted. I wanted to know the causation. I got lost in the process and my recovery suffered.
"The Big Plan" I will never drink/drug again and I will never change my mind.
Say it many times daily like a mantra. I believe I needed to shock my subconscious mind by laying down law on the Beast. I think there's no better way than to stand your ground and not budge an inch with a strong declaration of intentions. It's like, take that Beast, your game is over and I'm cleaning house. I see alcohol/drugs as a vile poison, ready to take me down without my daily recovery/wellness program of action. Like my signature reads, the Beast is always ready to pounce. Got to be on my toes
Thank you for being a big part of how I'm staying sober TC.
Keep up the good effort.
Alone I can not get sober, together we can rise above our troubles