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A recurring Dynamic for many of us revolves around lil 'Moments Of Truth'. Coincidentally, the title of a Book that was mandatory reading in the Business Universe I was in.
Applied to my AV, there are any number of 'Moments Of Truth'. Me, I tended to somehow 'black out' during them. Not literally, but in terms of putting aside responsibility to not pick up at such times. So - BOOM - there I was again in one of several Liquor Stores buying some Shooters to take to the Dog Park in the morning until I could get really serious, and start chugging from one of several 1.75 Liter 'Handles' of Vodka always available from one of several hiding places.
Stopping myself at such moments was really tough. It was as if someone took over my Muscles and Being and Decision Making. All the writing here, and the chat, and the committment didn't mean squat. I had to somehow get a grip and not act on what this Alien AV was 'ordering' me to do. My Consciousness had to be reorIented to the millisecond moment of NOW where pick-up decisions are made [and Booze ignored].
It's cheesy, but maybe wearing a Rubber Band on your Wrist and snapping it at these moments might shock you back into not acting on your own Alien AV Directives. In any case, seizing conrol of those moments, and not acting on them, was key to setting myself free. By any reasonable assessment, I was in a sort of Mental Illness. My resolve and permanent action had to come from within. I had to own it. So long as 'it' was outside of me, I never felt as if I could integrate needed action into my 'real' Being. This is why AVRT worked for me.
9 Years ago this January. Free at last...
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