Itís not me itís my AV

Old 12-05-2022, 02:34 PM
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Itís not me itís my AV

I keep repeating to myself Iím not the one who wants to drink. Itís not me itís my AV!
I want to be healthy
I want to be whole
I want to be free. Iím so sad I relapsed but it doesnít matter. The AV looks back I donít. I must keep forwarding on.

The separation is so key. It becomes hard when I donít catch it.
it really is like an identity crisis this AVRT


Anyone else have any helpful mantras?
there is so little on AVRT apart from this site
Maybe itís the AV even me trying to find more to read.
What more is there to say if Iíve read the rational recovery book which I have about twenty times
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Old 12-05-2022, 02:54 PM
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hi and welcome Lisa

if you haven't already please do check out our other forum
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ased-recovery/

You'll find more there about AVRT and Rational Recovery

D
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Old 12-05-2022, 03:33 PM
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Lisa, when you said "I want to be whole" it made me think of something you might find helpful. Its a letter from Carl Jung to an alcoholic which addresses this point. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-letter.html
All the best to you.
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Old 12-05-2022, 09:01 PM
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Have you made a Big Plan?
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Old 12-06-2022, 05:17 AM
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Thanks everyone for the welcome
yes Iíve made a big plan. I have SLAMMED the door on the AV! The torturous way of trying to moderate myself with drinking. I have a cabinet of old pain meds I have no interest in. Iím in no way enticed to use them. Itís not my thing. But drinking is another story. Itís been my battle for years, the thorn in my side.
I canít do AA it made me worse - as it disempowered me and itís depressing. AVRT is the only thing that ever worked. Itís really empowering when u do it.

CBT works for a day or two until I then convince myself one drink never hurt anyone........
well it leads me back to the ******* and fast. The baffling confusing humiliating state of realizing Iíve done it again. Iím a drunk crap mom.
So my big plan is made. The only mental illness Iíve ever had was believing Iím the one who wants to drink
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Old 12-06-2022, 05:25 AM
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Now I feel like Iím in the ďrememberingĒ phase. I have to remember to separate phase. Life is overwhelming. Iím slammed with social media images of people drinking having a good time celebrating. So Iím coming here. Iíd go to AA and that was the only helpful part. Staying focused the first few weeks.
might try to meditate daily practicing intensely letting go of my thoughts. I feel really committed to not go back into the *******
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Old 12-06-2022, 07:45 AM
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I find letting go of my thoughts helpful. I like the mantra, "I don't drink no matter what." A friend of mine with a lot of sobriety asked me to come up with the worst situations, such as death of someone close to me, severe illness, sudden misfortunes, and ask myself if I would drink because of it. Usually, my reasons to drink are much more futile, simply something very small not going my way, like my property manager not responding to me right away, or watching prices go up by fifty cents on my favorite items. Other times, when I get stressed out because my 7 year old isn't following my directions or is acting like a 7 year old. Not getting my way and not being in control are big triggers for me.

What are your triggers that get the AV calling out to you? I also get the, 'you can have just one drink', this is the one that has to be smashed. The other thoughts come and go, but the thought that I can return to drink normally, (if I ever have), is the foundation of my sobriety. It is just not a possibility. I also repeat the serenity prayer.
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Old 12-06-2022, 09:25 AM
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Welcome, Lisagirl.

Hope you check the link Dee provided; it is full of great information.
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Old 12-06-2022, 09:30 PM
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Lisa, Iím not sure I understand your issue. Are you troubled by the presence of the AV? Are you having trouble with recognition?

You seem to have a good attitude and made your Big Plan, this is great.

Have you read all 6 parts of the AVRT thread? Itís an awesome supplement to the book and it answers many questions. I know itís a long read, but itís worth it. Hereís the link to part 1

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) Discussion-Part 1)
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Old 12-06-2022, 09:34 PM
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BTW, there is only one “mantra” used in AVRT - “I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.”
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Old 12-08-2022, 04:38 AM
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Originally Posted by msl999 View Post
BTW, there is only one ďmantraĒ used in AVRT - ďI will never drink again and I will never change my mind.Ē
+1, same for me! It's work for me for ten years now!
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Old 12-08-2022, 08:02 AM
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Wow I love that! Thank you all

my big plan is made and I will never drink again or change my mind.
ahhhh feels good! Almost feels too good like how many times have I done this before and relapsed? Yep there is the AV


how do u all view your beast?
mine is like Chucky - an evil little whiny mis behaving child
or maybe I should call it Dementor like in Harry Potter
or maybe I should just call it Satan since Iím a Christian. Itís not easy to remember to separate.
Separating is easy to do but to catch it is sometimes tricky. Is it really real this AV? Itís just me right? I feel like a drink, Iím making too much of this...... blah blah all AVís tricks.

Gotta stay focused! Reading the RR book a little everyday.
Another day free. Yipeeeee free as a child again to be me.
Not one more day will be wasted drinking. Take that Beast! Not one more day.
Addiction is an identity crisis. Iím onto u Beast
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Old 12-08-2022, 01:04 PM
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.
A recurring Dynamic for many of us revolves around lil 'Moments Of Truth'. Coincidentally, the title of a Book that was mandatory reading in the Business Universe I was in.

Applied to my AV, there are any number of 'Moments Of Truth'. Me, I tended to somehow 'black out' during them. Not literally, but in terms of putting aside responsibility to not pick up at such times. So - BOOM - there I was again in one of several Liquor Stores buying some Shooters to take to the Dog Park in the morning until I could get really serious, and start chugging from one of several 1.75 Liter 'Handles' of Vodka always available from one of several hiding places.

Stopping myself at such moments was really tough. It was as if someone took over my Muscles and Being and Decision Making. All the writing here, and the chat, and the committment didn't mean squat. I had to somehow get a grip and not act on what this Alien AV was 'ordering' me to do. My Consciousness had to be reorIented to the millisecond moment of NOW where pick-up decisions are made [and Booze ignored].

It's cheesy, but maybe wearing a Rubber Band on your Wrist and snapping it at these moments might shock you back into not acting on your own Alien AV Directives. In any case, seizing conrol of those moments, and not acting on them, was key to setting myself free. By any reasonable assessment, I was in a sort of Mental Illness. My resolve and permanent action had to come from within. I had to own it. So long as 'it' was outside of me, I never felt as if I could integrate needed action into my 'real' Being. This is why AVRT worked for me.

9 Years ago this January. Free at last...
.
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Old 12-09-2022, 05:29 AM
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Mesa man that was so helpful
sorry not sure how u reply on here but please know how helpful that was. I intuitively understand what you are saying.
I actually just ordered a book on Amazon called Own it! All about owning your problems as key to success.
Iím definitely taking responsibility for this addiction to alcohol
Its an uncomfortable moment dis engaging in that moment of small struggle. It does pass. The mind wants to tell me itís awful- I canít cope. All AV
Becoming the watcher seems like a life long practice and thatís ok with me. I think itís being human
the AV I call the mind. I see them as the same thing. Satan really as thatís whatís helping me right now

if looks could kill....... hmmmm well with AVRT they do
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Old 01-22-2023, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Lisagirl41 View Post
how do u all view your beast?
mine is like Chucky - an evil little whiny mis behaving child
or maybe I should call it Dementor like in Harry Potter
or maybe I should just call it Satan since Iím a Christian. Itís not easy to remember to separate.
Separating is easy to do but to catch it is sometimes tricky. Is it really real this AV? Itís just me right? I feel like a drink, Iím making too much of this...... blah blah all AVís tricks.
Yes, he's like Chucky, but I have never separated my AV from myself. While I like the idea of framing him as something other than myself, and I think that may help a lot of people, I have always been aware that my AV is just me, and not even an ugly "other me." It's just me, but it's the part of me that lies to myself and is driven by self serving emotion that works against my own best interests.

It's like I'm aware that I can actually excel at being really stupid, and I have to pause every once in a while and think logically, or my gifted AV will take over and sabotage me.
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Old 01-22-2023, 10:03 PM
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Allen Carr or Annie Grace are authors that work on the empowerment end of things. They’ll also claim to re-train our minds into a healthier perspective on alcohol.

I agree with you about not wanting to be disempowered. Feeling esteem in our (my) positive choices has been motivating and empowering to me as of late.

Be well.

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