new but not new
hi, i dont know where to start. please forgive me i just bought laptop and never had one before and still getting used to it. long story short. Got divorced and im very shy introverted person and found alcohol helped me to be outgoing and date again. i also had a gastric bypass and lost 160 lbs at that time. For my surgery the only requirement was to lose 10lbs. never realized my addiction would transfer. i have ruined my life over and over again in last 12 years. ive been to rehab and graduated more than one and still drink. AA and the other types that you have to share in front of people i absolutely hate i want to drink before i go. I am really just at my last rope. I have no problem saying everything bad that ive done while drinking its just in an in person setting i am telling you i cant do, 1 or 2 in person but I cannot do the group. I am turning 50 on the 25th and even though I have never drank on xmas day. I really dont want to drink anything at all anymore. Most of my relatives die in thier 50's. My own dad died at 56 from alchohol. I didnt startr drinking until i was 42 to i honestly at the time thought i had beaten the family addiction. My dads dad died at 42 from liver failure. I just need support. Anyone understand?