new but not new

Old 12-07-2022, 08:41 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2022
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new but not new

hi, i dont know where to start. please forgive me i just bought laptop and never had one before and still getting used to it. long story short. Got divorced and im very shy introverted person and found alcohol helped me to be outgoing and date again. i also had a gastric bypass and lost 160 lbs at that time. For my surgery the only requirement was to lose 10lbs. never realized my addiction would transfer. i have ruined my life over and over again in last 12 years. ive been to rehab and graduated more than one and still drink. AA and the other types that you have to share in front of people i absolutely hate i want to drink before i go. I am really just at my last rope. I have no problem saying everything bad that ive done while drinking its just in an in person setting i am telling you i cant do, 1 or 2 in person but I cannot do the group. I am turning 50 on the 25th and even though I have never drank on xmas day. I really dont want to drink anything at all anymore. Most of my relatives die in thier 50's. My own dad died at 56 from alchohol. I didnt startr drinking until i was 42 to i honestly at the time thought i had beaten the family addiction. My dads dad died at 42 from liver failure. I just need support. Anyone understand?
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Old 12-07-2022, 09:37 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 118,359
Welcome, Tammyjean, and yes we certainly understand.

I have found SR to be a wonderful resource for my sobriety and recovery; there are many understanding, compassionate, non-judgemental and supportive here. We are all on the same path to life-time sobriety and recovery. I am very glad that you have joined us.

Here are some threads which you may want to check out. (Class Of December 2022 Part One) (BAH HUMBUG! ‘‘Tis the season of - Weekenders 02 - 05 December 2022)
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Old 12-07-2022, 09:37 AM
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Location: US and Southeast Asia
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Welcome Tammyjean. I'm sorry to hear of your situation - it is apparently not uncommon for those who have gastric bypass surgery to start drinking alcoholically. Not sure why but there are many theories. We all have reasons though, and the important thing to do is stop. The first week or two are the hardest, then it gets easier - but support is essential so I am glad you are here. There are many resources here to help you. The first one I can recommend is to keep reading and posting, and join the December class, which is a smaller group.I will put the link to the class below. Just pop in and say hello. (Class Of December 2022 Part One)
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Old 12-07-2022, 09:38 AM
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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Of course you need support and this is a great place for support. AA is helpful for some, but it's not the only way to stop drinking. Coming here to SR daily, reading and posting, can be very helpful. In my early days of recovery, I found that changing my daily routine helped a lot to shake the drinking. Make the decision to stop drinking and then make a plan to help yourself. What can you do when you crave a drink - go for a walk, listen to music, call someone, exercise, whatever works for you.
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Old 12-07-2022, 10:45 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2022
Posts: 34
Firstly you are awesome for getting here! Welcome!

Secondly, totally getcha about the public-nes of AA. My therapist once called it the Shame Mountain. I feel like drinking gave me so many things I wasnt proud of and I beat myself up about that I didn't need to be reminded of it in front of others. I was scaling that shame mountain all on my own. I eventually needed to put all that to bed because it was just another thing that my AV used to push me drink.

In the end you should look at this journey and be proud you are starting to change perspective. Like they said above, Any Other Action is good! Walking, watching your favorite shows, redecorate! Make a literal list of your favorite things to do and pick them at random.

I feel you when it comes to inheriting this stuff. I know its genetic but I also wonder if the coping mechanisms that I have inherited also lend themselves to my family's generational alcoholism. But how so we relearn copimg mechanisms?

Appreciate your post friend. Hope your day and week goes well and keep postings. Keeps me straight and narrow too.
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Old 12-07-2022, 04:06 PM
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welcome to SR tammyjean

I really believe its never too late to change and start on a chapter 2.

You'll find a lot of support here!

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Old 12-07-2022, 07:24 PM
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Location: Upstate New York
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It's great to have you with us, tammyjean. I felt so much better when I joined SR & could talk with people who really understood what I was going through.
You'll find a lot of encouragement here - from those who have had the same feelings you're having now.
You can turn this around. Stay with us and talk some more - we care about you.
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Old 12-08-2022, 12:05 AM
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
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Welcome to the family tammyjean! . You'll find lots of support here, along with useful information about addiction and recovery. Glad you joined us!
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Old 12-08-2022, 02:20 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 14,217
You're not alone when you have recovery support behind
you, guiding you along the way while learning to build a
strong, solid recovery foundation to live upon here on

Many have gone to rehab, including myself and as much
as I didnt like it or enjoy it back in the day, I came to appreciate
it because those folks there who were knowledgeable about
addiction and recovery passed on some good information
to help plant the seed of recovery and help jump start
my own recovery journey to achieving continuous sobriety.

Just like it was in grade school, high school, maybe college,
we have teachers teaching us different subjects to prepare
us for life that lies ahead of us. We take those teachings
and apply them to our own lives to achieve success in what
ever field of life we pursue.

AA was the recovery program introduced to me back
in 1990 and is the one I use and rely on today to guide
me in remaining sober and achieving a healthier, happier
way of life.

For many meetings I attended, i sat quietly listening,
absorbing, learning and applying lessons to my own life.
I spoke to my sponsor about feeling guilty for not saying much
in meetings and she reassured me that in time, i would
eventually know when to speak.

Sure enough, one day, i felt the desire to share and when
i was done, i had no idea what i said. Words just came out
because they were spoken from the heart.

There is no hurry or rush or urgency to be like anyone
else. This is your life. Your desire to achieve sobriety
using whatever recovery tools available to help you
get it.

Over the yrs, and many changes, I have found strength
and comfort here in SR, but never let go of my AA lifelines
that have helped me get to where I am today. SR is just
another stepping stone added to what I already have.

Use all your own stepping stones and build upon them for
yourself so that you can walk further away from your
addiction and closer to peace and serenity for the rest
of your life.

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Old 12-08-2022, 05:28 AM
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DriGuy's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 3,959
Originally Posted by tammyjean View Post
I really dont want to drink anything at all anymore.
Good, we won't have to deal with the "learn to control my drinking" strategy, which for alcoholics, is a useless waste of time. Having said that, most of us have tried to do that, and in my case I tried to master that strategy for years, while I just kept getting worse.

It's good to have you here. I've known alcoholics who have successfully done recovery on their own. I've read they are a majority, but we don't hear from them much, because well... they did it on their own. So from personal experience I can't even guess at the size of that sector. I was not able to do that, and that meant I needed to share things with a group. Sharing is something I needed to do, but I won't say, everyone must, although I do think it is helpful. And of course, I never share anything I choose not to. We have the right to protect our privacy as much as we want.

You have already shared a lot, and I think you will fit well here. Of course, it's not all about sharing. Recovery involves listening and with a serious attitude. There was so much I had to learn, so much I didn't know when I first started that the only way to catch onto recovery was to hear what others had done that worked for them. You have to listen, but you are not expected to follow everyone's advice. But seriously evaluate everything that is presented to you. I was surprised more than once, that some recommendations that made no sense to me, actually worked when I tried them. There are surprises in the process. Another word for these types of surprises is just "learning." Not everything worked for me. We are all different. I spent a lot of time sorting out the things that would work, and discarded others.
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