Thanks everyone for the welcome
yes I’ve made a big plan. I have SLAMMED the door on the AV! The torturous way of trying to moderate myself with drinking. I have a cabinet of old pain meds I have no interest in. I’m in no way enticed to use them. It’s not my thing. But drinking is another story. It’s been my battle for years, the thorn in my side.
I can’t do AA it made me worse - as it disempowered me and it’s depressing. AVRT is the only thing that ever worked. It’s really empowering when u do it.
CBT works for a day or two until I then convince myself one drink never hurt anyone........
well it leads me back to the ******* and fast. The baffling confusing humiliating state of realizing I’ve done it again. I’m a drunk crap mom.
So my big plan is made. The only mental illness I’ve ever had was believing I’m the one who wants to drink