Thanks for the replies, guys.
I'm hanging in here. I looked around online and it seems that my situation is not so unique. Huh, imagine that.
I do feel raw, like everything is sand and I'm Anakin Skywalker (if you get it you get it).
I'm trying to build daily routines. Exercise, music practice. Trying to meet people and network a little (moved to a far away place where I know only family) without overextending myself. I have limited tolerance for social situations.
Northernsong mentioned setting goals, even small ones. I am looking at that, one immediate to mid-term goal is to get my credit back up to a reasonable level. Pay off some creditors and whatnot. Funny thing, I couldn't tell you what those creditors are collecting for. Yeah, I've been sober for almost a year but the couple of years before that are pretty much a big empty space in my mind with no recollection of much. Except I was unemployed and quarantined with nothing to do but drink due to Covid and somehow I must have gotten into some stuff I don't remember.
As Dee said, figuring out who sober me is would be a good thing. I'm seeing changes in thought patterns from even just a couple of months ago so it sort of puts me in constant flux. Like I'm not sure if how I'm feeling on any given day is how I really feel in general or if it'll seem silly tomorrow. I just don't know. So I'm in my head a lot. I try to not be too hard on myself while also not completely let myself off the hook. I was thinking earlier today about some old friends who tried to help me up when I wasn't ready. I reached out to them after I'd finally stopped for myself and no responses. I had thought at the time, like, whatever. Moving on, their loss. All that kind of garbage. Now I'm considering what it must have been like for them to see me like that. And also, as I said before my memory of that time is pretty hazy to non-existent and completely unreliable. It's entirely possible that I did or said some unforgivable things to them that I don't remember.
Anyway, all this to say that I'm a work in progress. Everyone is, I get that.
Before I made the decision to stop, which I actually do not remember consciously making, I had considered myself a "goner". It wasn't a question or a suicidal thing, I just thought that that was it. I'll just drink a bit more and then I'll be gone. Poof!
Now I'm here and it's like I'm looking at society from the outside and thinking it's comical how seriously we as a species take ourselves. Like things only matter as they pertain to humans. But also, all of my personal problems are the biggest problems that have ever existed for any member of any species that has ever been! So figure that one out.
So, yeah. I don't know much of anything at the moment. Not sure how I'm going to feel about anything even tomorrow. But I'm okay today, I guess. Tomorrow I'm going to get up and go to work sharing my love of music with others (and get paid for it?!). That's one of my load-bearing structures at the moment. I wouldn't have gotten this job in the first place if I hadn't had a bit of sobriety behind me, and I sure wouldn't last long in it if I showed up reeking of booze and slurring my speech. That's not to say that my job is the only thing keeping me sober, but it's certainly a big part of the new sober life I'm working on.
Okay. It seems like I've said a lot but probably didn't say much at all. Anyway, thanks again for the replies. Best to all!