I certainly don't have any words of wisdom on my second day sober (not that I haven't had many second days). I am a pretty lousy quitter (or a really good one). I guess that just depends on how you look at it. I decided to try sobriety again because I would like to be different. I would like to live differently. I listened to an audio book over the weekend that was of the self help variety. I have read a ton of those since I've had a million pauses where I want to be different. I have realized that it's really hard to gain any momentum with positive change if I am semi regularly derailed by a binge hangover and all its counterproductive results. I quit smoking (again for the umpteenth time) about five months ago. Your post resonated with me because I have hit that place of drifting, aimless apathy with my smobriety where I start to question...well everything. I have lived a life of much overindulgence where my clutching of vice has either shielded me or prevented me from achieving a regular ole grown up life. I am a few years ahead of you. Don't get me wrong. I have a good job. I am proud to say I own my own home (well me and the bank). Although my choices of drink and vice helped assauge the everyday loneliness associated with lifelong intimacy and relationship challenges I have fared alright otherwise. Back to the book which makes the point that goals cannot be realized if you have no everyday systems and practices to achieve them. It was a bit of light bulb moment for me. The author makes the point that everyday systems that enable you to achieve goals aren't exciting and that in fact at times they can be downright boring... but you do them any way. Ah there's the rub. It makes the point that no matter how you feel.... you just gotta keep showing up and it's the showing up that is the must. Even if you show up every day for something for just two minutes every day (which isn't too much to chew really) you well eventually develop the habit of showing up. What I am trying to say is ... it's that showing up part that gives me grief... my intolerance for the mundane and sometimes difficult. You have showed up for one thing every day for a year and that's pretty amazing. I envy you. I don't know why I am saying all this other than your mood seemed to match my own and my rambling away here might keep me sober today so I show up tomorrow. Hope others can speak to that miracle happening that I have heard others talk about but I know nothing about. But I will venture a guess that one year of lucid days and decisions is no match for a bulk of adulthood just 'wingin it" with a drink in hand and hair straight back!