I don't come back to this place very often. Not drinking isn't a daily struggle for me currently so I don't spend a lot of time on focusing on it. Alcohol does pop up in my mind a bit and sometimes in my dreams but it passes. I know I can't drink and don't feel like I am close to caving on that. So that's good, I think.
Coming up on a year sober (December 1) and feeling just plain lost and kind of "eh". I guess it's still early recovery and all but I kind of thought I'd be feeling a little more together by now. Objectively I'm doing better, have a job that I don't hate and getting physical activity and stuff like that. But I seem to be just noticing how much damage I've done, not just to my social/financial standing but to my psyche. I don't trust myself, second-guess everything I say and do and then feel badly about it. Can't seem to decide how I feel about much of anything. Everything seems trite. Have trouble enjoying anything because it all seems sort of pointless. I find myself to be not quite as charming or amusing when I'm sober. Anyway, some days are better than others. Mostly I feel very aimless, adrift, and "eh". Oh, and social cues! I've gotten quite good at picking up on them...much later than I should have. Retroactive embarrassment. Maybe I never matured past my 20's, which is when I started drinking habitually (49 now).
Not trying to have a pity party. I'm just wondering is this normal for a year or so in? Or more to the point: is this horribly abnormal? Feeling unstable, unsteady, unsure, uneasy a lot of the time?
I've thought that maybe it's time to suck it up and talk to a professional but I'm uninsured and wouldn't be able to swing therapy visits out-of-pocket.
Fishkiller mentioned in a post above that he floundered for a year and a half or so after getting sober, so maybe it's par for the course?
Any thoughts from those with more experience would be appreciated. My best to everyone here! Thanks.
(P.S. Sorry if this seems scattered but I am actually feeling pretty scattered.)