Passed my 7 months clean/sober last week, and I celebrated by applying for several jobs. I had a second interview for one position (the one I am most excited about) on Saturday, have a different interview scheduled for tomorrow, and just received a formal offer for another option!
It's awesome! And a little overwhelming.
The most interesting part (to me) is that I basically had a panic attack last Thursday that I would NEVER find work or contribute financially to my family in a meaningful way. Lots of tears and fear and anxiety. Lots of prayers to my HP about showing me the path that was best and letting me be at peace with "what is."
I honestly felt like I had slid back into a very fear-based, "using" mindset, and I spent a good part of the day trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I wasn't supposed to feel like this in recovery!!! I wasn't supposed to be scared and sad and anxious!!!
But my sweet husband reminded me that all important roads are rocky from time to time. It can't be constantly smooth - it's not supposed to be. And having challenging emotions is not a sign of failure, but a marker of progress, as we are able to recognize the emotions, feel them, and separate their TRUTH from our personal TRUTH.
So, long story short, I had a bad day. I didn't drink or use. I prayed and felt desperate.
I. WAS. DELIVERED.
Now I just have to see how these other interviews proceed and make a decision that feels best for myself and my family. Thanks for the support here. I'd love some prayers and good vibes as this gets sorted!!!
You all are awesome!
-TC