RubyBruce,
I'm so sorry for all of these painful situations you have been going through. My experience is that like you, I am in a highly demanding professional role. My own issue was that for the longest time, I fought the notion that I should never drink again. I truly believed that I could think my way out of problem drinking, if only I could find the right way to do that. The pandemic brought about new opportunities to rethink that notion (long story, not for here). Looking back, I am only now beginning to see that there would have been NO right way to think or strategize myself out of problem drinking. For me. I finally trusted the folks on here who kept saying (and I'm finally listening) "Life's really good here on the other side! Try it!" And so it goes. I wish you the best as you sort things out!