Relapse AGAIN!!!!! So ridiculous
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 13
Relapse AGAIN!!!!! So ridiculous
Hi All.
Long story short I have been an alcoholic for a few years but last year really hit hard so lots of hospital visits and 4 TIMES in Psych ward being suicidal.
Anyway, I then snapped my ankle in half literally and fractured my shoulder in many places requiring plates and 17 screws in Jan.
Sober as in a wheelchair for 3 months and thought I was fine, felt fantastic. So when I could walk again, thought i'd enjoy a few beers and all went well.
Somehow those three beers led to a bottle of gin a day and a hospital visit for suicide and i've completely stuffed it all up AGAIN!!!!!!!!
I work in Law so I like to think I am half decent mentally IQ wise, yet relapse was never on the radar as I thought I learned my lesson on the past as suicidal thoughts and severe withdrawals are a living hell. I already knew that.
Yet I did it AGAIN.
I am so confused and am now convinced alcoholism is indeed a disease as it when it gets hold of me I can't control it at all, in fact I feel under a spell - it is a really scary and frankly, embarrassing and shameful situation.
Anyway, thank you for listening, I wish everyone the best.
RB
Long story short I have been an alcoholic for a few years but last year really hit hard so lots of hospital visits and 4 TIMES in Psych ward being suicidal.
Anyway, I then snapped my ankle in half literally and fractured my shoulder in many places requiring plates and 17 screws in Jan.
Sober as in a wheelchair for 3 months and thought I was fine, felt fantastic. So when I could walk again, thought i'd enjoy a few beers and all went well.
Somehow those three beers led to a bottle of gin a day and a hospital visit for suicide and i've completely stuffed it all up AGAIN!!!!!!!!
I work in Law so I like to think I am half decent mentally IQ wise, yet relapse was never on the radar as I thought I learned my lesson on the past as suicidal thoughts and severe withdrawals are a living hell. I already knew that.
Yet I did it AGAIN.
I am so confused and am now convinced alcoholism is indeed a disease as it when it gets hold of me I can't control it at all, in fact I feel under a spell - it is a really scary and frankly, embarrassing and shameful situation.
Anyway, thank you for listening, I wish everyone the best.
RB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,156
Welcome to SR!
As you have found out we are the type who CANNOT drink. Not even one.
Stick around here and post any questions or concerns. Random thoughts, cravings whatever is on your mind.
We have been where you are. Come join us where we are. Alcohol FREE and loving it.
As you have found out we are the type who CANNOT drink. Not even one.
Stick around here and post any questions or concerns. Random thoughts, cravings whatever is on your mind.
We have been where you are. Come join us where we are. Alcohol FREE and loving it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 13
[QUOTE=fishkiller;7829938]Welcome to SR!
As you have found out we are the type who CANNOT drink. Not even one.
Stick around here and post any questions or concerns. Random thoughts, cravings whatever is on your mind.)
Thank you.
Interesting you say that as my Psych says abstinence is not safe or appropriate for me (I get suicidal when I miss not being part of social activity) for me as it's a huge part of my life - suggestion is a drinking plan but be strict and accountable to it.
Yes, I welcome all opinions and intend to stay around and thank you for your reply.
As you have found out we are the type who CANNOT drink. Not even one.
Stick around here and post any questions or concerns. Random thoughts, cravings whatever is on your mind.)
Thank you.
Interesting you say that as my Psych says abstinence is not safe or appropriate for me (I get suicidal when I miss not being part of social activity) for me as it's a huge part of my life - suggestion is a drinking plan but be strict and accountable to it.
Yes, I welcome all opinions and intend to stay around and thank you for your reply.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
It's very difficult to get sober by yourself.
I tried for many years to get sober by myself. The person developing all of the strategies and techniques to get me sober, or at least drink in moderation like a normal person, was an alcoholic who I saw every morning when I looked in the mirror.
Obviously, this was not a good plan but alcoholic denial kept me trying for a long time.
Why don't you give AA a try? When I finally gave up and went to AA it made a huge difference.
I tried for many years to get sober by myself. The person developing all of the strategies and techniques to get me sober, or at least drink in moderation like a normal person, was an alcoholic who I saw every morning when I looked in the mirror.
Obviously, this was not a good plan but alcoholic denial kept me trying for a long time.
Why don't you give AA a try? When I finally gave up and went to AA it made a huge difference.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,156
Moderation is what you speak of.
Impossible for folks like us and if you did somehow manage for a while it would be miserable. Waiting and waiting for permission for that next drink.
You say your Psych says you can.
I say that is your AV (Addictive Voice) telling you a big ass lie.
You Can socialize without alcohol.
Ive been doing it for 2.5 years.
I drank daily over 30 years and thought I could never do those things sober.
Turns out Everything is more fun sober.
Unless of course you mean socializing as in getting ********* with a bunch of folks and acting a fool. Then no. I do not socialize like that anymore.
I don't miss it.
You will be surprised when you get to a point that you don't either.
Shut that AV down.
If drinking had any benefit to your life you wouldn't be here trying to quit.
Impossible for folks like us and if you did somehow manage for a while it would be miserable. Waiting and waiting for permission for that next drink.
You say your Psych says you can.
I say that is your AV (Addictive Voice) telling you a big ass lie.
You Can socialize without alcohol.
Ive been doing it for 2.5 years.
I drank daily over 30 years and thought I could never do those things sober.
Turns out Everything is more fun sober.
Unless of course you mean socializing as in getting ********* with a bunch of folks and acting a fool. Then no. I do not socialize like that anymore.
I don't miss it.
You will be surprised when you get to a point that you don't either.
Shut that AV down.
If drinking had any benefit to your life you wouldn't be here trying to quit.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,601
Your dr is giving you permission to drink. You dont have to do as they say.
They obviously dont understand alcohol abuse. I'd get a new dr.
I know for me social activities including drinking are a no go area. There are many people who never drink and many social activities that dont involve alcohol.
They obviously dont understand alcohol abuse. I'd get a new dr.
I know for me social activities including drinking are a no go area. There are many people who never drink and many social activities that dont involve alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
thought i'd enjoy a few beers and all went well.
Somehow those three beers led to a bottle of gin a day and a hospital visit for suicide and i've completely stuffed it all up AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Somehow those three beers led to a bottle of gin a day and a hospital visit for suicide and i've completely stuffed it all up AGAIN!!!!!!!!
My suggestion is to find a psychiatrist who knows about addiction. Yours doesn't. We do.
There is a member here who is an attorney in NYC who struggled to get sober a few years ago. You may like his thread to which I'll post a link. All of his posts may be helpful. He was a serious drinker. He had a lot of FOMO too (Fear Of Missing Out.) He has gone on to travel, work, raise his young family, go out with the boys, go to three day bachelor parties. Sober. No alcohol.
I quit drinking completely over eight years ago and I've never been happier.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oderation.html (My guide to moderation)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 13
Hi All.
I want to firstly say thank you for all the the fantastic replies which are varied and equally helpful.
If it is ok I will not reply individually as I believe you do not need that validation as you know I have read it taken it "on board"..
One thing I will correct though is that this "Dr" isn't just any Dr - rather the head of Psychiatric medicine in the city hospital so he is exactly used to my situation (it's his speciality rather).
So it's advice I take seriously also, as he deserves respect as I've been in the Psych ward 4 TIMES under his observation.
I was extremely ashamed and disappointed in myself, however he is very clear and gives excellent direction and future planning - and yes, sorry to upset some of you, he does not believe abstinence is my answer rightly or wrongly, and I don't mean that to say anyone is wrong.
I still can't believe I relapsed so badly once again, knowing all the horrible outcomes, yet did it. Why?
Makes me feel entirely stupid yet I know I am not. (well Dr Psych said i'm very articulate and intelligent just need to get me sorted one way or another)
Thank you all again.
RB
I want to firstly say thank you for all the the fantastic replies which are varied and equally helpful.
If it is ok I will not reply individually as I believe you do not need that validation as you know I have read it taken it "on board"..
One thing I will correct though is that this "Dr" isn't just any Dr - rather the head of Psychiatric medicine in the city hospital so he is exactly used to my situation (it's his speciality rather).
So it's advice I take seriously also, as he deserves respect as I've been in the Psych ward 4 TIMES under his observation.
I was extremely ashamed and disappointed in myself, however he is very clear and gives excellent direction and future planning - and yes, sorry to upset some of you, he does not believe abstinence is my answer rightly or wrongly, and I don't mean that to say anyone is wrong.
I still can't believe I relapsed so badly once again, knowing all the horrible outcomes, yet did it. Why?
Makes me feel entirely stupid yet I know I am not. (well Dr Psych said i'm very articulate and intelligent just need to get me sorted one way or another)
Thank you all again.
RB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Zebra1275 
Why don't you give AA a try? When I finally gave up and went to AA it made a huge difference.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Moderation is impossible for alcoholics. That's the simple thing we've all had to accept in order to get and stay sober. I hope that you take a look around here and change your mind about moderation.
Social activities do not have to include alcohol. There are so many things you can do and enjoy without alcohol involved.
Also, I'd like to remind you that this message board is based on abstinence. We don't support moderation, though if a member is drinking with the intention of stopping completely, we will offer all the support we can. If you are seeking moderation, there are likely other message boards that would support that.
Social activities do not have to include alcohol. There are so many things you can do and enjoy without alcohol involved.
Also, I'd like to remind you that this message board is based on abstinence. We don't support moderation, though if a member is drinking with the intention of stopping completely, we will offer all the support we can. If you are seeking moderation, there are likely other message boards that would support that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
So, I'm kind of confused...you say:
...and...
When newly sober all kinds of horrible thoughts and feelings and emotions surfaced for me - BUT in time (like weeks or months: you say at three months you felt great, so...) my brain and nervous system returned to normal. It's really hard at first though - especially if you try to do it alone and without medical supervision.
How about a medically supervised detox? That was probably what you inadvertently went through when you broke your ankle, or maybe they even detoxed you on purpose if you were hospitalized. Additionally, post injury pain meds make withdrawal and emotional regulation easier and if you were under medical care for a surgical repair and/or ankle rehab you probably had other meds on board which mitigated withdrawal?
Sober as in a wheelchair for 3 months and thought I was fine, felt fantastic
The issue is i'm suicidal when i;m sober so it complicates it from a Psych point of view I guess.
When newly sober all kinds of horrible thoughts and feelings and emotions surfaced for me - BUT in time (like weeks or months: you say at three months you felt great, so...) my brain and nervous system returned to normal. It's really hard at first though - especially if you try to do it alone and without medical supervision.
How about a medically supervised detox? That was probably what you inadvertently went through when you broke your ankle, or maybe they even detoxed you on purpose if you were hospitalized. Additionally, post injury pain meds make withdrawal and emotional regulation easier and if you were under medical care for a surgical repair and/or ankle rehab you probably had other meds on board which mitigated withdrawal?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Additionally, post injury pain meds make withdrawal and emotional regulation easier and if you were under medical care for a surgical repair and/or ankle rehab you probably had other meds on board which mitigated withdrawal?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,156
Are you honest with your Dr. about your drinking, quantities, lack of control?
Just seems very off that a Dr. who understands addiction would prescribe that addictive chemical.
But I'm an uneducated redneck so take my opinion as it is.
Surely there are other ways to treat suicidal ideations.
How long have your gone without alcohol?
If you have never had any substantial sober time then when you do stop for a day or so there will definitely be some screwed up thinking going on.
Gotta give it time.
I feel for you. You are in a bad place. I hope you find your way out.
Just seems very off that a Dr. who understands addiction would prescribe that addictive chemical.
But I'm an uneducated redneck so take my opinion as it is.
Surely there are other ways to treat suicidal ideations.
How long have your gone without alcohol?
If you have never had any substantial sober time then when you do stop for a day or so there will definitely be some screwed up thinking going on.
Gotta give it time.
I feel for you. You are in a bad place. I hope you find your way out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2022
Location: Oregon USA
Posts: 67
RubyBruce,
I'm so sorry for all of these painful situations you have been going through. My experience is that like you, I am in a highly demanding professional role. My own issue was that for the longest time, I fought the notion that I should never drink again. I truly believed that I could think my way out of problem drinking, if only I could find the right way to do that. The pandemic brought about new opportunities to rethink that notion (long story, not for here). Looking back, I am only now beginning to see that there would have been NO right way to think or strategize myself out of problem drinking. For me. I finally trusted the folks on here who kept saying (and I'm finally listening) "Life's really good here on the other side! Try it!" And so it goes. I wish you the best as you sort things out!
I'm so sorry for all of these painful situations you have been going through. My experience is that like you, I am in a highly demanding professional role. My own issue was that for the longest time, I fought the notion that I should never drink again. I truly believed that I could think my way out of problem drinking, if only I could find the right way to do that. The pandemic brought about new opportunities to rethink that notion (long story, not for here). Looking back, I am only now beginning to see that there would have been NO right way to think or strategize myself out of problem drinking. For me. I finally trusted the folks on here who kept saying (and I'm finally listening) "Life's really good here on the other side! Try it!" And so it goes. I wish you the best as you sort things out!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I dont know of any psych doctor who would condone alcohol consumption with suicidal ideation.
This is so far left field to me. I'm not a doctor though......I don't know if your current psych doctor should be a doctor either.
This is so far left field to me. I'm not a doctor though......I don't know if your current psych doctor should be a doctor either.
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