I know this post is very old-but how similar to my husband. Started drinking at age 13, dropped out of college-due to his parting, drugs alcohol. In/out detox's.. I met him he'd been sober for over a year, and I gave him the chance. We've been together since 2005, and had this incredible beautiful long relationship, partner, friend-my soul mate. Married in 2016, and 8 months into our marriage-he loses two people dear to him, and started drinking again. We struggled to get him to agree to get help, and in 2019 we purchased our own home. Did detox 2019, then continued to drink, stopped being responsible, stopped being an adult. Sat, played games, drank .. 2021 during Covid, even though we both worked, his drinking and drug use was off the charts! It hurt us, our relationship. Yes I also literally picked him off the floor, cleaned up his vomit, took care of all bills, the house and worked my stressful job in healthcare. He wasn't capable of functioning other than barely going to work. He then turned to a female co-worker-who was living w/ a man-she claimed she loved, but she also drank. She was divorced, had 6 kids, whom her ex-husband had custody of. Tells me right there who she is. But here is my husband, chatting it up all day, night-spending time with her due to their work. Claimed they were drinking buddies. I managed to get him to agree to a extensive rehab facility out of state Feb/March 2021.. I had this woman arguing with me, why I was sending him away, try local places, she pretended she loved him "as a brother:"... She had experience ... (I'm sure.. ) He did the 2 months rehab, came home and I thought for once in several years, I'd have my sober husband back and we could move forward with our new home, our blessings and our marriage. Unfortunately one month home, I came home to find him drunk-claiming he's drinking to have courage to tell me his feelings. He blamed me for not being connected or intimate. He failed to mention he was completely drunk 24x7.. but he blamed me, his family blamed me-saying "get away from her, you don't love her-she's causing you to drink".. They also denied they all drink, they know he's been addicted since he was 13, they know the struggle and all his previous detox's prior to meeting me. Yet, I was the one at fault. So he left our home claiming he thinks he wants a divorce, and leaving to figure it out-going to stay with his father. To "help him not drink." He was gone for about 3 weeks, me trying to figure out divorce, our home, finances etc.. he's addiction kept throwing us into financial issues-and I'd work hard to catch us up. I almost had a nervous breakdown! He returns home.. no mentioning of anything other than he loved me, he was sorry he hasn't been a good husband, but he wouldn't work for a couple of weeks afterwards, he drank all day, all night. He was depressed, hating his job... making bizarre statements, self doubt, self harm. I came home one day, after getting it set up to get into the local hospital for phys evaluation/detox when he informs me his brother was on his way to pick him to take him back to his house. Knowing what his sister in law did, telling him I'm a b&*(%$#^, leave her, she is the reason your drinking.. I didn't want him going to his brothers house, yet he did show up, and saw the shape he was in. I explained to him how I've been reaching out to him and his wife for 2 years trying to get their help, and I am not to blame for this. He admitted no, he's always been like this, only with you he was sober all those 13-14 years. So his mother passed, he needs to get over that.. His brother could have cared less what I've been dealing with for that year. Once admitted to the hospital, I returned to our home, and it was then I learned-he left me to go and be with this female coworker, the one who was living w/ her live in boyfriend.. yet she and my husband committed adultery last year, and he left blaming me for his drinking. She too was a drunk.. two feather alike. I did confront him at the hospital the next day. So she talked my husband into falling for her, she was sleeping with him, then ended up dumping my husband because she thought she was in love with yet another coworker-and that one-gave her money to get into an apartment-leaving the live in guy. He broke down, and didn't know what I was going to do. But I was in love with my husband, and wanted our marriage minus the tramp, minus the alcohol addiction . He was going to get sober.. so he told me. "it's us, you and I and we can get through this." When he was released-we tried to get him medications, his Dr wouldn't help. He continued to drink-and then next thing here comes the female coworker again. Claiming the other coworker was mean to her, abusive, she wanted to marry the past live in guy, she wanted to be friends with my husband and once more-she's back in his life telling him to start a pool company with her, we can make money together. So she convinced him in doing so, as she asked him to steal supplies from his boss, asked him for customer information so she can approach them to steal the business from his boss. And my husband was emotionally involved with her as he denied it, and telling me he loves me, there isn't anything going on, they are just friends. All last summer I had to deal with her in our marriage, no time spend with me, and yes, it was killing me, and destroying our marriage. This past winter-he promises me he'll be a better husband,loves me-and does another detox. So three months sober, yet he was spending all his time with her, and not working. Threw us into a great financial mess! I struggled with my feelings, my husband having an affair yet denying it. Then in March he starts drinking, and then tells me his feelings changed for me, doesn't want our marriage. Denys she has anything to do with it, yet I've seen the texts from her. She pretends to be his friend, and "I'm not a threat to you, he's my friend." Yet she sends him pictures of herself, she tells me she knows he's more important to him then his wife. She tells him I'm nuts, I'm a b&^&^*%, leave her, take the house, start over again-you'll be happier. We sleep in separate bedrooms at that point, and in May he files for divorce. I know he has severe addition issues, I know she is the one who by her vindictive & evil actions, she destroyed my 17 year relationship with my husband. Yes he allowed it, but she took full advantage of a drunk. She is playing a deadly game... currently separation papers are signed, waiting judge to sign off in September, he asked in the papers to stay in our home till August 31st. It's killing me, wanting my marriage, the man I fell in love with-to ignore me, not be there for me, not hold me at nights, no longer my friend, my partner.. He sits after work and drinks. When he's doing so-a few times we've been intimate-trying to talk-me thinking he is now figuring out me, and our marriage... A recent fight over the weekend with him and her, with her firing him from her little company-him going off the deep end.. she is still playing her game. She claims hes a drunk, yet-funny thing-the previous weekend-she goes to one of his customers home to work and she drinks and passes out at the customers house. They both are completely screwed up ...mentally and emotionally. The problem is, she helped ruin my marriage, my future, the man I was to spend my life with. Why do woman or men-cheat, and ruin their spouses life??? Move on? I am trying... my heart breaks, literally it's breaking. I can't sleep, I'm doing therapy, trying to maintain my own self worth, my own dignity.. yes I'm letting him go... I know I deserve better than a drunk and his tramp. I only constantly keep praying our Lord holds me up, holds me tight and doesn't let me go...for He is the only one who is keeping me on this Earth right now, is my faith in Jesus Christ. I will continue to pray asking HIM to heal my husband's addictions, heal our marriage and bring the man I married back. I also know my husband has to do it on his own. I truly hate additions... it truly kills and ruins lives. My fear, is now my trust is gone, I will never allow another -how will I trust anyone ever again?!!