sinking.......
I have this sick feeling in my stomach. It came on because I was talking to a young girl at work who is just beginning her relationship with her boyfriend. We went to look at the house that is being built and her future seems like it will be so pleasant. Then I get back to the office and start talking to another co-worker about someone that we use to work with that retired with $500K in his retirement account. That really got me. I have no way near that amount and never will. These dives come on so suddenly sometimes. I know better than to compare myself to others but when I hear about someone having a "normal" life or about someone financially secure it makes me feel like a failure.
Last night I had two dreams. In the first dream I was driving my son's car (an old Mazda 626 that both my sister and my father drove for awhile) and I was coming to a frozen lake, I tried to stop the car before going onto the lake, but I couldn't stop. I drove onto the lake and began to think about how to get the car back onto the shore. As I was trying to get back onto the shore, the car went through the ice and was submerged. I was able to get out of the car easily and to the shore. I began to think about how I would get the car pulled out of the lake and about how angry my husband would be.
Dream two was also about the lake. This time I was going onto the lake in a boat. THe boat was shaped like a propane tank. It was metal and very thin and cold. I remember thinking, what am I doing here in this funny boat? I was inside the tank/boat when it began to sink and fill up with water. I was not afraid but annoyed and easily got out of the boat and to shore. Again I was thinking how strange it is that everything keeps sinking.
So what is going on? I guess I think that my transportion or my ride keeps sinking, over and over. Oh fooey, I feel so low........