Welcome, Jason, glad you found us and hope you find some comfort and feel supported here.
I relate to what you are saying, My alcoholic husband was away in hospital for some time and my body and mind missed the chaos what happened when he was at home. My anxiety was high as it was used to living that way and to be in peace and calm felt very strange to me.
It took me a while to realise I could just sit and breathe.
Perhaps use this time to relax and recover yourself. Maybe some nice walks to help quiet those racing thoughts in your mind.
We cannot control what our spouse is going to do. Try and let go of her and focus on giving yourself good care.