I have just sent an alcoholic family member to hell. I have had as little contact as possible with her for some time now, but even that is a like treading on hot coals. She cannot restrain herself or keep from treating me with extreme agression, scorn, derision, and it swings from occasionally being normal to mostly being abusive. I say abusive because not once has she ever explicitly asked me to stop doing something specific. The hatred is thrown at everything I am, do, say.
I will not interiorise it or put up with it. I have asked her to stop, repeatedly, but she doesn't, can't, or won't. She is sadistic. I cannot recognise her from who she used to be. She has abused different substances for 30 years. Other living family members will not recognise the problem. With them, she turns on the charisma, sweetness and caring appearance that I no longer even see.
Is it a tendency for alcoholics to become abusive like this? Unfortunately I can't sever contact altogether because we are waiting for a shared inheritance which I desperately need.
What do other people do to protect youselves or not be too deeply affected if you are still in contact with an abusive alcoholic family member?