I relate to so much of what you have said! I am planning to tell my hubby soon that I am in recovery. You are right, its like an "out" when you keep it a secret, I hadn't realized that till I read your post. I emptied out all my booze today and felt good doing it. Hopefully it will be easier to abstain without it a few feet away. No more hiding my shame in the trashcan!
Cravings are tough and triggers are worse. It's like we are reinventing our whole lives and that is stressful. But it will be worth it. We just have to get there.
Have a wonderful sober day!